When I started my channel, I knew I didn’t want this to just be a highlight reel of my life. I wanted this to be honest, genuine space for me to share all parts of my life with world to help others to feel they have the space to feel what they need to feel, as well. That they are not alone. What I have found though is that when I am struggling with things like mental health, that is difficult for me to create, even though I know creating will make me feel better. To be honest, when I am going through seasons like this it’s hard to even do normal human things like brushing my hair or do laundry. It really sucks, and I don’t wish this on anyone.
What I’ve learned in this season is that I really struggle with having compassion for myself. I get down on myself for not creating consistently, and then that makes it even harder to get back up and create something new. Life so easily gets away from me, and then suddenly its been almost a month since I last posted something. I have no grace for myself when it comes down to messing up or making mistakes, despite that fact that I am pursuing this while working a full-time job and battling things like mental health, PCOS, and trauma. I just get so exhausted sometimes.
Never feeling satisfied with life is exhausting, but I think this is what pushes me to strive for greatness. It’s the reason I am crazy enough to believe this could be my full-time job one day. It’s how I can confidentially speak about my dreams as if they were inevitable. Still, I know I need to create some room for self-compassion. I need room for rest. I need to practice gratitude and patience. I can feel in my soul changes are coming. All I know is that I am still figuring it out.