It’s been a while since I have posted publicly. So much has happened and I feel like I am a completely different person than the last time I wrote for this blog. I have been doing a lot of writing though, but not for the consumption of others. Through journaling, I feel like I have more clarity than ever on who I am, and to be honest, I really like her. Despite the internal work that I have been doing, I have started to feel the ever present pull to create again and to put my work out into the universe. So, let’s catch up on what’s been going on
Firstly, the biggest reason I haven’t posted in a while is that pesky thing called perfectionism. I was working on a pretty big project to commemorate my leaving Dallas, and as time passed the molehill grew into a mountain. I am still on the fence about creating and releasing that project as it has been almost 6 months since I moved. In addition, I’ve been feeling a shift in the types of projects I want to be working on and the types of content I want to be creating. As I mentioned, I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year, and my content has always existed to be an authentic form of self expression.
Another big shift in my life now that I am finally satisfied with my work environment, is that I am not as career focused. I am more focused on just being present, enjoying life, and creating sustainable self-care practices that can adapt to my fluctuating physical and emotional needs. As a result, my reasons for creating are also less career focused. I want to make content because it’s fun to make things. I want to share thoughts, ideas, and systems that have been helpful for me as a neurodivergent person with PCOS in the body acceptance and anti-diet space. I no longer want to create a brand here. I just want this platform to be a space for authentic space for me to share these ideas, encapsulate memories, and be myself.
As a Scorpio Sun, being in a constant state of transformation is sort of my thing. Aside from the scorpion, Scorpios are symbolized by the snake and the phoenix. This symbolizes the energy of shedding one’s skin like the snake or rising from the ashes like the phoenix. I feel like I have embraced this as my constant state of being. I don’t have to fear stagnation as long as I am in alignment with my higher self. I don’t have to fear savoring the moment because I am confident that the future I envision for myself is inevitable and that I am on the path to co-creating this reality with the universe. The outcome is that I can finally sit back and enjoy the journey.
To bring it back down to earth for a moment, I think all of this is to say that I am just really grateful for the lessons that 25 has taught me. Looking back at myself last year there was just so much uncertainty, but I stayed committed to developing healthy coping mechanisms and was better off for it. Though there was great loss over this past year, there was also great clarity and a strengthened sense of self-respect and self-actualization. I try to make a post like this every birthday, because I think it’s important to celebrate each year that we are gifted. I also just want to commemorate my headspace at these particular check points in life. This time next year I will be gearing up for my wedding date. While I imagine I will be succumbing to the typical pre-wedding stress that everyone who has dreamed about their wedding their whole life inevitably falls into, I just hope that I am savoring every moment of it. I hope I am just as self-assured as I feel now, and just as content with the path we are on. I’ll be looking forward to meeting her.